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russians d0 it best
you can't open the book of my life in the middle.
hey guys. what's up? haha, more like who the hell still reads this thing? I swear, everytime I update my friends or add someone, 3 people remove me. eh, probably for the better.

anyhow, this past weekend was quite amusing. except for friday. that kinda sucked. you know, a double shift at work isn't ever fun. especially when you work in a restaurant. don't remember much except for the fact that I did ok tip wise. money is a little rough now that I go to RIT and have to cut my availability down. it'll be even more rough next quarter because then, I'll be going full time. woo. $70k in student loans, here I come. <3!

saturday? rocky horror picture show! wee. I've been doing this shit for what, 5 years now? I still have yet to get sick of it. for all of you that DIDN'T go, you should next time. well, those of you that actually live in rochester. even if you don't, come anyhow. it's worth it just to see me! ...right? but aside from all of the people running around half naked and lots of screaming, I can't wait to do it again.

oh, and yesterday? hellogoodbye and reggie and the full effect @ the buffalo icon in buffalo, NY (duh). the show itself was good but I wasn't keen on cute is what we aim for and dave melillio. that and it didn't help that my friends matt & ashley accidentally left their tickets in rochester. thankfully, matt's mom was cool enough to drive half way and get him his tickets so they didn't have to buy new ones. I just stuck around only to find that my will call ticket was for an earlier 1pm set, not the 7pm set. fuck tickets.com up some imaginary asshole. so I had to buy a new ticket no matter what. that kinda sucked too. assholes. grr! anyhow, to war with tickets.com! the only objective? A REFUND! dun-dun-dunnnn!

after that annoying bullshit, things finally settled down. without going into too much detail, reggie and hellogoodbye put on an excellent show. especially when hellogoodbye closed with a cover of FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT (TO PARTY) BY BEASTIE BOYS. fucking awesome. made it all worth it. I don't care how silly, cheesy, poppy, and obnoxious hellogoodbye is. I like it.

I'll go into more detail but now, I go to grab dinner. and then buy groceries. and then WATCH HEROES IN HI-DEFINITION. bwahaha. if you want in for next week, you know what to do. if not, well... just leave a comment or IM me and ask me.

visit you at baskin robbins all the time
to let you know that I am yours and you are mine
so we can take long walks through central park
and hold each others hands to fight the dark

Current Mood: amused amused
Current Music: Hellogoodbye - Bonnie Taylor Shakedown 2K4

15 shots fired or take a shot
yes, the day we celebrate american's rights to wear mullets, hunt terrorists and sue anybody & everybody. kinda like this guy. he seems happy.

anyhow, mine was celebrating by working at the restaurant and closing. boo. you'd be surprised how many people don't appreciate fireworks and would rather eat. hell, I have no idea why the restaurant was open but whatever. the thing is, I LOVE fireworks. you know, I'm jewish! the whole festival of lights thing. ok, so not even remotely close to the same idea but I just like things blowing up with loud explosions and making pretty colored streaks in the sky. the cool thing is I managed to sneak up to the roof of the building to catch like 4 different fireworks shows. the brighton one was the easiest to watch and it was ok. it's just not the same without the loud booms! :(

anyhow, tomorrow is panic at the disco! wee. I love niagara falls. mostly due to strip clubs and gambling as I said earlier. <3!

now I'm going to watch house. great show. it reminds me why sarcasm is so wonderful. I'm on the 3rd episode so I'll have to catch up on two whole seasons still before september 5th, the start of the new season. on a side note, the actor that plays dr. house, played the voice if nigel pinchley, the british guy that was macking on louis in the family guy episode where they close down the drunken clam and open up a british pub! didn't know he was british originally.

kick ass. hope everyone had a fun 4th of july and didn't get any 1st or 2nd degree burns. 3nd degree are ok though.

gotta find my place in displacement
i’ll defy the truth for a lie
capture all the vistas of your own life
face to face alone at the time
so wear your hearts on your sleeve

Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
Current Music: South - A Place In Displacement

22 shots fired or take a shot
so what's new in the life of stan? I dunno, you'd think I would but ha! I'll start off with the frustrating things such as missing the bayside concert in buffalo cuz I got screwed over by a friend of mine a couple weeks ago. and then getting screwed out of edgefest in buffalo which had the following bands:

Taking Back Sunday
Hawthorne Heights
30 Seconds To Mars
Matchbook Romance
The Subways
Hit the Lights
Thousand Foot Krutch
Rock Kills Kid

the bolded bands are the ones I actually cared to see. the funny story is that as I was going off of the interstate from the hour long drive from rochester to buffalo, I realized that I forgot my ticket at home. smooth move exlax. deciding not to bother driving home or getting another ticket, I caught up with my old friend katey and went out to dinner with her friends at some new sushi place on elmwood ave (in buffalo) called kibarashi. mmm. quite good. remind me katie, I still have to come back and get that white chocolate. on another note, how can you NOT like white chocolate?! answer me!

since then, I've been working extra to make some money for the rest of the summer. not to mention I'm going to san francisco, california from the 19th to the 23rd. why you may ask? don't laugh. professional gaming. 20ID, the group of people I play battlefield 2 with in a gaming league has been invited out all expense to play a couple of other teams for a cash prize. this will be sponsored by directv, mountain dew, xbox 360 and IGN. I'm not actually playing but I'll be doing sponsorship stuff trying to get companies like nvidia and logitech to sponsor us for future events. hell yeah!

so, sometime after that, I should try to make it down to the washington DC area to see stew and company. I have two weeks of vacation time I have to use up so I better get cracking.

oh, yeah, I shaved! that's new apparently. no more psuedo beard thing after one day right before work, I made the mistake of answering my cell phone while trying to trim down my beard. *ZZZZZHIIIPPP* I managed to shave right through my beard and without many options, I just shaved it all off and have been shaving ever since. maybe I'll post a pic eventually. JUST MAYBE. if you're all good.

I'm going to niagara falls, NY on wednesday night to see panic at the disco!, the dresden dolls and the hush sound at the dome theater. one of my favorite venues of all time. afterwards, I suggest gambling and strip clubs. we'll see.

what else? oh yeah, I will finally have roommates in august! ginger and mark should be moving in then. about time too, I might have a savings account someday! sweet.

now I have to figure out what the hell I'm doing tonight. happy fourth of july people. oh, and if I haven't spoken with you in a bit, tell me what's up with you. you know who you are!

because you say, don't mean you mean it
run away to find a home
happy now, but you don't see it
run away because you're all alone

and you'll never know, what could have been
and you'll never see, where i've been

Current Mood: amused amused
Current Music: Rock Kills Kid - Hide Away (they play this at tgi fridays!)

15 shots fired or take a shot

x-men 3? holy shit. I saw it at midnight with some people and goddamn, that movie just blew me away. I have my gripes because bryan singer didn't direct it but it came out ok in my book. most of you haven't seen it but you should. I'll talk more about it later but all I say is that you should stay to the very end through all the credits.

ps. check out the freaky UK version of the LOST commercial/preview.

i walked right over,
said hi, how ya doing?
you smiled at me,
and girl you tore right through me.

i said come on let’s dance,
we’ve got to take our chance
you whispered in my ear,
you wanna get out of here

Current Mood: shocked shocked
Current Music: Hard-Fi - Hard To Beat

48 shots fired or take a shot
chinese food is supposed to make you really hungry again after you finish your sesame chicken combo meal with fried rice, right? hell no. dear god, nothing else I've ever eaten in my life fills me up like the fine americanized versions of chinese food. next time, I might try seseme chicken's spicey brother, general tsao's chicken for extra flavor. this thought brings me back to a time when I couldn't even eat spicy food without freaking out. then again, that was also in the same time period where I wore sweat pants to school and cracked my voice in front of girls. my how times have changed.

it's funny how little time affects my state of mind. years have gone by and I really don't think I've grown, but that's ok. tonight I watched the series finale of Alias and the season finale of 24 all on my 32" wide screen high definition TV listening to it in 5.1 surround sound all wrapped up in my binary fleece blanket while eating the chinese take out mentioned above only to be washed down by a mike's hard lemonade. where I may fail in some respects, I make up for it in comforts and technology.

and you know what? I love it. but that leads me to something else. what do I do now? I'm finishing up MCC finally. on a side note, keep all your little "about damn time" jokes to yourselves. sure, it's taken a little while and I know that. but the next time I hear someone try to comfort me for taking 6 years and covering up my poor academic performance with some pseudonym about a different life path, I'm gonna start a ruckus. yes, I said ruckus. it's just all these themes of fate, life, adventure, things coming to an end have been drowning my senses lately. I'm left to wonder if this is some cosmic sign or am I just reading into things a little too much. logic dictates that I should stick with the later answer but I like the first one so much better.

then again, I've also been thinking about this ol' journal here. myspace really has taken over most of my web browsing and in all honesty, I'm frightened to know how many times a day I check the stupid thing. I suppose it fills a carnal need for attention and vanity that my livejournal just can't. as I said, myspace is horrifically vain and my profile covers mostly the surface facts about me. then again, my posts on livejournal, as rare as they may be, covers what goes through my head and various experiences and views of my life. my question is, what's the best way to learn who someone really is?

that was why I originally started this journal five and a half years ago and only through a couple entries was I able to succeed. to help people know who I am. my passions, my aspirations, my everything. and of course, I want feedback. I lied when earlier I said I haven't grown because really, I have. I've been trying to write about this for months now but I'll be straight up about it. the problem really is that I don't feel that I'm close with anyone anymore and it's a terribly lonely thing. hell, I live alone right now. instead of being a cat lady with 30 cats, I have computers, ipods and various other technological gadgetry. that and I'm not a lady. kthx.

it's hard to ignore the feeling that no one really gives a damn. I just hope I'm not the only one that feels this way. no matter, my primary goal this summer is to feel like I belong somewhere. if I can accomplish such a feat, I'll be quite happy.

i have waited for this day
to feel I'm fitting in
and i have longed to feel this way
to be alive again

i came back, back
back to, life
i came back, back
back to, life
i came back

Current Mood: tired tired
Current Music: Rock Kills Kid - Back To Life

32 shots fired or take a shot
I know, I know, mission impossible 2 sucked royally. oh I know, it was absolutely awful and had absolutely nothing in comparison with the first movie. but mission impossible 3? it fucking rocked.

don't ask me why it was playing at 10pm on thursday night before it's release. maybe they're expecting some crazy mob of a crowd but after being able to count all... 6 people in the theater, I very much doubt that. either way, it was a good excuse to see my dear friend kristina on her first day back from school in montreal. you crazy canuck-wannabe!

tom cruise, despite his recent and very obvious dimentia (that's insanity for you delinquents) on the oprah show and the whole silly scientology thing, his work in this movie was absolutely masterful. you couldn't tell he's crazy at all! but I attribute all that trickery to him being a sith lord. no really, look below!

I can see why JJ Abrams, the genius behind LOST and Alias, directed this film, after all his mass amounts of spy experience in Alias. I mean, Alias is practically the same thing if you really think about it. ps. he's doing the next star trek film! wee! correction to what I may have told some people, it's bryan singer from x-men and x2 fame that's doing superman, not JJ abrams.

either way, from the beginning of the movie to the end, it's a non-stop ride of shit blowing up, bullets flying and just various cool gadgetry/stunts that makes mission impossible what it is. the story doesn't get too cheezy and there are no annoying love scenes to bore you. the pacing of the movie is just perfect. the best way I can explain is that I didn't find it very predictable just because I didn't think about it, the movie kept going quickly enough. and some kick ass dialouge. unfortunately, no cover major band covering the original theme this time. :(

go see it, I liked it.

welcoming you to cardboard city
where i think they're laughing at your band
did you have a clue?
that is was pretty on the gritty bottom of the van...

Current Mood: good good
Current Music: Head Automatica - Laughing At You

19 shots fired or take a shot

pfft. miss me? :P

I do apologize for the my not so brief hiatus. then again, I'm sure everyone who ever did read this thing is used to it, hell a lot of people already removed me from their friends lists. eh, I'd say I'm upset but I'd be lying. I mean, I can't really blame them, can I? besides, they're missing out on my big comeback! yes. that's what I'll call it.

I'll admit, myspace has sort of taken over most of my online activities but don't you worry you LJ folk, I haven't ever forgotten about you. each night before I go to bed, I run through my friends page catching up on every single of you that actually posts. but don't you I'll tell you, their blogging system blows and a part of me really wants me to start writing here again. I think that part stems from the fact I have literally no writing talent and I should develop some. oh, and my vocabulary could use some work. on that note, I need each and everyone of you to suggest a book for me to read. deal? oh, so what's been up with me? hmm. school, work, dungeons and dragons games every saturday mornings, and concerts. ok, I've been going to a veritable TON of concerts lately. here's a list:

February 3rd - The Academy Is, Panic at the Disco, Hellogoodbye and Acceptance in Buffalo, NY
March 23rd - The Format, The Matches and Men, Women and Children in Rochester, NY
March 29th - Motion City Soundtrack, The Format, The Matches and Men, Women and Children in Buffalo, NY
April 9th - Death Cab for Cutie, Franz Ferdinand and the Cribs at Cornell/Ithica, NY
April 20th - Alkaline Trio and Against Me! in Niagara Falls, NY
April 21st - Fall Out Boy, All-American Rejects, Hawthorne Heights and From First to Last in Buffalo, NY
April 27th - The Horrorpops, The Briefs and Left Alone in Buffalo, NY

wow. let me tell you, that was an expensive few months. combined with the costs of tickets, food, gas, merch and me being too generous with my spare tickets and not asking people to pay for them. lets just say I'm not going to keep that up because I'm sick of having whatever generosity I display go very unappreciated. but none the less, the music was very much enjoyed and much fun was had.

oh, again, speaking of concerts, I'd like to go see MC Lars this coming Wednesday at Steele Music Hall. shitty venue but the following bands are playing: The Matches, Forgive Durden and Whole Wheat Bread. I'm guessing that MC Lars isn't headlining and the only other band I'd like to see is Whole Wheat Bread for just one song so I might have to pass and try to pick up a shift at work instead.

another note. I have a spare ticket to see Taking Back Sunday at RIT on the 6th of May. contact me if you're interested. if you have a problem with my music tastes, keep them to yourself or go fuck yourself with a barbed dildo. kthx!

what else have I been up to? music! wee. here is a list of the following albums (not in any particular order) I've recently procured that may interest people:

Head Automatica - Popaganda
Thursday - A City by the Light Divided
Punk Goes 90's
The Dresden Dolls - Yes, Virginia
The Hush Sound - So Sudden
Taking Back Sunday - Louder Now
Tool - 10,000 Days
MC Lars - The Graduate
Guster - One Man Wrecking Machine EP
Murder By Death - In Bocca Al Lupo

how many albums have I downloaded in the last month? lemme check. about 215 at last count. makes my brain happy. but so does a real life re-enactment of super mario brothers. thx dave. that alone was better than watching silent hill. *blasphemy* though I did enjoy the movie on a small level as the directing was brilliant in many parts of the movie.

so, lets recap. I need new books to read, someone to buy my spare TBS ticket and... a roommate! yes folks, I have this house all to my lonely little self. I mean, it has it's bonuses for living on your own. such as playing your music as loud as you want or running around naked. not that I do, but the option is there! leave lots of comments so I know you're still alive and read this thing. much <3.

words like violence
break the silence
come crashing in
into my little world
Painful to me
pierce right through me
can’t you understand
oh my little girl

Current Mood: good good
Current Music: Anberlin - Enjoy the Silence (Depeche Mode)

53 shots fired or take a shot
thanksgiving is a time honored tradition and a very special holiday to many. only once a year, do you gather up your friends and family over a grand feast to share in the blessings and thanks for all the good in your lives. that and stuffing. oh god, I love stuffing.

it's good to be thankful for the many things that people may take for granted or genuinely appreciate. but see, I believe that americans are missing out on one little thing every thanksgiving. a big ol' fuck you to the people that shit on your proverbial plate of life.

now please, only tell the people who genuinely deserve it to fuck off. like the jackass that dents your car in a parking lot and runs off. or how about that special someone who won't even give you the time of day? maybe your ex-girlfriend who was 2 hours late to meet you at a bar because she was piss drunk giving some other guy a blowjob in some bathroom stall at another bar?

having a hard time coming up with fuck you's? lemme help.

for example:

"fuck you to all those who gave me a shitty tip (a couple exceptions)!"
"fuck you fox networks for cancelling arrested development AGAIN, oh and firefly a couple years back!"
"fuck you to the 22ºF weather!"
"fuck you expensive gas prices!"
"fuck you for making me come into work at 11am!"

hell, tell me to fuck off! it's not that hard and I'm sure I deserve it. I mean, here... practice with some of the more basics!

"fuck you stan, you always talk about work and shitty tips!"
"fuck you stan, you always complain and whine about everything!"
"fuck you stan, you're always late!"
"fuck you stan, you don't want to commit!"
"fuck you stan, you never call me/IM me/email me/text me/hang out with me/love me!"

please, comment on some of your fuck yous or post them in you journal. I'd love to hear some of yours!

so before you jump the cranberry or ask for someone to pass down the pumpkin pie before you even get to the damn turkey, remember to celebrate fuckgiving day! ok, that just doesn't sound right. how about just a simple fuckyou day? that works. unless someone can come up with something more intelligent...

ps. btw, this is my new livejournal name thanks to the LJ rename service. love it long time.

we are
we are the shaken
we are the monsters
underneath your bed
believe what you read

Current Mood: giddy giddy
Current Music: matchbook romance-are you afraid of monsters

49 shots fired or take a shot
- I bought a house in henrietta
- I'm in the process of moving out of fort knox starting as of today
- almost lost my $400 video card for my computer, thankfully got that saved
- I broke my car key today and had to get my parents to drop off the spare, gonna have to get up early tomorrow and get it copied
- I spent way too much money on house stuff to the point where I'm nearly broke and very much in debt
- I was late to a friend's poker tournament because I couldn't find it, payed for half an hour, lost and went home. best $30 I spent.
- on the way home, I scratch up the entier right side rear door on the garage so now it's all scratched up and dented, best several hundred dollars I'll have to spend fixing it
- now I'm going to play more poker because I'm at the point of wanton self-destruction as a result of all this shit
- fucking a


- just lost again at poker, holding ace/queen in my hand and the flop comes ace, ace, four. another player bets, I raise, he goes all in, I call. he flips over pocket four's giving him the full house. what do I do? throw the chips at his direction, storm out and punch a whole in the wall.

suffice to say, I've had better days.

that's a heart that you made
that's a heart and the both of you made it
and i won't rest until i break it

Current Mood: pissed off pissed off
Current Music: xiu xiu-i luv the valley oh

22 shots fired or take a shot
since my big-ass 23rd birthday is coming up this weekend, I have a few plans setup.

tonight after work, I'll be going to Woodys 2 on west henrietta road and get drunkinated. if you're legal, come! if you're not, text me from my LJ info your number and I'll get you in!

tomorrow night, gonna go see Doom the movie. yes, the movie of the greatest game we all played years ago. sure, the movie will be awful but who cares? thinking about the 7:30pm or 10:15pm showing at regal henrietta. afterwards, drinking at lux lounge or the old toad! haven't decided yet but I'll post tomorrow with more for sure times and locations.

so, come out tonight if you can!

hopefully I'll be sober enough to take decent pictures.
32 shots fired or take a shot
wow, I suck. haha, no, not really but I think this has been one the longer break's I have had from livejournal in a while. well, meaningful entries at least. you know, the ones that take more than 5 minutes to write. I guess, some changes are happening in my life that are a little more... changing than normal. the thing is, I'm never really a fan of change because much of my life has been very static. the problem here lies in that keeping the status quo as is, is a preference that comes from experience rather than choice.

being an adult is hitting me in full spectrum now. you know, the shit like where friends are getting pregnant, friends get married, friends die, friends get divorced, and friends move away. it's new to me, all of it and I don't know how to or what to think about any of it. thoughts, feelings and images run through my head. sure, that's pretty normal except I see my friend PJ lying in a casket at his wake. he was killed on a single car accident a couple weeks back at the intersection of winton road and french road in brighton. his wake and memorial service was the first ones I ever attended and it's not exactly a milestone that I'd like to remember but he's someone I would like to remember. one of my closer friends is pregnant but we barely even talk anymore and my best friend of 10 years/roommate just moved to DC for a new job. on top of that, I have to figure out how I'm going to afford to move out in a month and a half.

I don't really care anymore. the only thing that really upsets me anymore as consecutive bad tips at work. everything else that used to get to me or still does, I have no real right to bitch about any of it so I don't even bother with the emotions anymore. maybe when I'm all settled in my new place and pass my classes this semester, I'll feel better about everything. in the meantime, I'm gonna have to find some kind of emotional outlet.

don't get me wrong, I have things to look forward to. for example, the nintendo fusion tour featuring some of my favorite bands such as fall out boy, motion city soundtrack along with the starting like, boys night out and one of my new favorite bands, panic at the disco. I turn 23 years old on october 22nd this year and gotta figure out my plans then but it'll definitely start with watching the doom movie premiering on the 21st and then lots of drunkification. then more the following day. wee! lemme know if you want in.

stew, best of luck to ya at the US patent office and washington DC. better tell me all about the cool new weapons and firearms patents you'll be working on. and make sure to find some hottie down there that's well versed in physics. if she's not... well you'll have to at least make sure she knows the jet engine theory. just use my diagram below if you have any questions.

...you got an organ goin' there
no wonder the sound has so much body

Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
Current Music: DJ Shadow - Organ Donor (Extended Overhaul)

31 shots fired or take a shot

goddamit. the only reason I watch that damn show is because NOTHING MAKES SENSE.


Current Mood: stressed stressed

20 shots fired or take a shot
*edit - say... best friend or something.

Poll #573818 Going Away Gifts

If someone was leaving indefinitely or moving away, would it be considered traditional to get them a going away gift?

13 shots fired or take a shot
Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness is the crazy-ass long name of the new coheed and cambria album. I'm not much of a fan but I know lots who are so if you want it, IM me on AIM @

or leave a comment.

Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
Current Music: Coheed & Cambria - 03 - Welcome Home

6 shots fired or take a shot
Modern, Cool Nerd
60 % Nerd, 82% Geek, 26% Dork
For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used
to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a
pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world
that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and
geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very
least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent,
knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing
computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one
you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one
up there, winning the million bucks)!


Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 62% on nerdiness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 98% on geekosity
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 34% on dork points
Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid

wow. higher than the 98th percentile in geekiness?! awesome!

Current Mood: amused amused
Current Music: 01-we are scientists-nobody move nobody get hurt

8 shots fired or take a shot
wow. wtf. so I gave that final a shot and most likely will have to take the class again in the fall. dammit. ah well, I expected that so I'm over it. what I am pissed off about are the following. right before my final, I call in just to check if the financial aid office got all my info and come to find out that I did and my waiver was approved. the catch is that my parents make too much money and I'm not elligible for any this year aid. that made my mood a little sour going into that final. seriously, they should reimburse people for the hours they spend putting that application together if they're going to reject them. so after the final, I figure I'll stop by work and check out my schedule for the next few weeks while I have open availability and find out I have two day shifts and two night shifts. and somehow I'm supposed to live off of that, especially when I'm a better server than most of the people there.

I don't like to go around and telling everyone that I deserve this or deserve that, I will be modest when I feel I've earned something. or at least try. now I won't be modest or quiet when I feel I have earned not only better shifts but more closing shifts, especially when I see people who have less seniority and generally less experience get the hours that I need and earned.

maybe there's something else involved here or something I missed so I'll have to chat with the managers because I can't keep on working there if I'm going to keep on getting these shifts. oh, yeah. I'm leaving for maryland tomorrow afternoon. me and the old high school crew have rented a beach house in crisfield, maryland and will be having a blast. so, schedule for tomorrow:

10:30am - meet with financial aid people and kick someone's ass (doesn't have to be financial aid people, just someone)
11:00am - lunch shift at work and make a few extra $$
5:15pm - flight leaves for dulles, VA/washington DC airport

hmm. I still need to find a ride to the airport around 4pm. now if anyone knows any good sushi places in the washington DC areas, lemme know. that's the tentative plan because we have a four hour drive from the airport to the beach house and we've all decided to eat somewhere nice/fancy before we head out.

oh, and go see this movie when it comes out. - everything is illuminated - trailer

if you like the song at the end of the trailer, click below. I'll be back sunday night so till then, rock on.

hold your grandmothers bible to your breast
gonna put it to the test
you wanted it to be blessed
and in your heart, you know it to be true

you know what'chya gotta do
they all depend on you
and you already know
and you already know
how this will end

Current Mood: hopeful hopeful
Current Music: DeVotchka - How It Ends

24 shots fired or take a shot
everyone has personal challenges in their lives, you know, getting through medical school, making differences in people's lives or acheiving some personal goal in life. mine is simply searching for motivation to do just about anything. let me tell you, motivation can be such an aggravation. sure, the ADD diagnosis and dexedrine (same thing as adderall practically) has made a significant impact on my schooling and even made my job waiting tables easier. now I go around telling everyone how "I got my shit together!" and I'm back on track on the road to success!

whatever the hell that means. it's such bullshit to think that finally getting decent grades at a community college qualifies as "getting your shit together". I mean, sure I'm going to get my associates in a short while and transfer off most likely to RIT.

it all comes down to that I'm sick of school, sick of work, sick of it all. I don't want to do a damn thing over than drown my senses in violent video games. I want to escape all my responsibilities even for just a moment. the weird thing is, nothing I've done in the last 9 months seems worth getting sick of. I mean, there are people out there who put in more hours at their jobs and spend more time studying than I do and they're doing just fine.

I don't even know.

to be honest, saying "I don't know" is possibly the most comforting thing I've said to myself in a long time. I'm can't stand all this certainty I have going for me right now because it's all I talk about work for. it's funny how abandoning all that you've worked for can make you feel better.

I just had such higher hopes for myself as a kid, which is ironic because even then, I didn't do a damn thing to get what I wanted. now that I think I have the power and motivation to do what I want, I find myself having absolutely no time. since january, I've been taking classes non-stop with a winter session class, a full-time load in the spring, a four credit class in the first half of the summer and two four credit classes in the second half. all while trying to pull 30-40 hours of work at TGI Fridays. the last 6 weeks I had to cut my hours back just to take these two damn accounting classes and the math class. I'm not even going to pass the damn math class. so here I am at the last week of my math class and I can't even convince myself to study for the final because I'm sure if I put in a decent amount of effort, I could possibly pass this class.

that's the lesson of my life, all I EVER need to do is put in a little fucking effort.

here's the thing. someone ALWAYS has it better and someone ALWAYS has it worse. it's pointless to compare yourself to those who are worse off or better off. what good does it do? think about it. if someone is worse off than you, all you feel is pity and then feel guilty for being pissed off at something that you now feel isn't that important. if someone has it better off than you, all you feel is jealousy and then get pissed at yourself for not being better off because now you feel that you can do better. what you feel right now isn't going to help anyone right this second, especially you.

but there's one thing you can get from all that shit above. perspective. think about it... again. you'll see that you're just fine because your problems may not be that big and you're freaking out for no real reason. and then you can see that you don't need to be better off because you're doing ok right now. if you really want to do better, you can work at it because it's not something you can fix right away.

so here I am looking at all that I wrote and feel completely exposed and on some level, embarassed. I don't want people to get the wrong impression of me so I delete everything I'm about to post. that's really what happens everytime I write in here and why you never see anything from me anymore. I'm not going to delete this entry this time and see where it gets me.

if anything, hopefully it'll get you somewhere.

spin me some sad story
sell me some excuse
to help me understand the things you do
'cause the way you treat your lovers
well I just can't relate
well where'd you learn to shoot your gun so straight?

Current Mood: frustrated frustrated
Current Music: 22-20s - shoot your gun

23 shots fired or take a shot
want to see modest mouse, the killers, arcade fire, doves, mindless self indulgence, and HIM live?

I do!

::doubtful/non-believer infomercial audience woman:: but surely such a line-up is unlikely and would never be anywhere near rochester, new york! ::/doubtful/non-believer infomercial audience woman::

you're absolutely correct. in fact, you couldn't try any harder to be more correct even if there was a gun put to your head and your life was on the line!

the above bands are all playing on October 8th at Download Festival '05 in Mountain View, California.

opportunities come knocking in all shapes and sizes, maybe every day or never at all. and if there is one thing I learned, it's that the sky's not the limit and nothing is out of reach.

I can go to this festival if I want to and you know what? I want to. even if it's to go only to prove to myself that it's entirely possible on a shoestring budget while working and going to school full time. that right there ladies and gentlemen, is reason enough to go. watching some of my all time favorite bands is simply a bonus.

now I'm not posting this to brag or give myself a moral boost, I can do that just fine in front of a mirror. I'm posting this in an effort to find people who want to join me on this holy indie musical crusade. I want to do this and I don't want to do this alone. I don't care if you have no job or even if you have no arms and legs. if you have the heart... or a heart at all... we'll find a way. or we can call you our carry-on baggage. my point is there's always a way.

time for thrilling heroics people. if you're serious and interested, please reply so we can get the ball rolling.

what are you holding out for?
what's always in the way?
why so damn absent-minded?
why so scared of romance?

this modern love breaks me
this modern love wastes me

do you wanna come over and kill some time?
tell me facts, tell me facts, tell me facts
throw your arms around me

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: 08-bloc party-this modern love

26 shots fired or take a shot
I'm heading out to the warped tour at darien lake in buffalo tomorrow/today so if anyone is going, IM me or email me your number or something so I can catch up with you there!

wish me lots of fun and no sunburn.



nobody knows what's in your future
though death and unhappiness are certain
but one thing i can say for sure:
honesty's the perfect cure for any stress induced disease you have...
believe! what you do is right,
explain! your reasonings,
and everything will be alright...

Current Mood: excited excited
Current Music: 223-tsunami bomb-being alright-kzt

12 shots fired or take a shot
do you watch stargate sg-1? stargate atlantis? battlestar galactica? or all three?! then Fort Knox (my residence) is the place for you!

starting at 8pm on july 15th, the SCI-FI channel will be showing the season premieres for the above three science fiction hits.

you may ask yourself, why go to stan's house? my buddy has a 48" plasma screen HDTV!

48"? hah, that's it? my screen can top that like sprinkles on ice cream. oh wait, did I say screen? my bad, I MEANT MY WALL.

overly girly but confused voice: "but stan, whatever could you be talking about?!"

well, since you asked, Fort Knox features a state of the art projector for your maximum viewing pleasure! plus it's just pretty friggin' cool.

ladies get in free! just kidding. but if you could spare a few dollars for food and drink, that'd be cool. that and god knows we're gonna need girls there to make sure it isn't a complete sausage fest.

so, if you have any interest in stan's scif-fi spectacle tomorrow night, just comment or IM me for details.

i've never felt so tired can't hold my head up sometimes
and i'm through with all those lines that we've overexposed
so open up your eyes to this pointless night
you know it's just the same as all of those other times
but don't give up

Current Mood: excited excited
Current Music: The Sun - Valentine

32 shots fired or take a shot